2020 - New Beginnings

What does 2020 represent for you? I got asked this question a few days ago, and up until then I hadn’t given it too much thought.

2019 was chaos, but in the best way. Having been gone from home for nearly 5 months now, its crazy to look back on earlier this year and see how different my life was, and in what a different direction it’s now headed. For me, 2019 was all about embracing change, stepping outside of my comfort zone, and taking risks. It had its up and its downs, but all of those have led me to where I am now — sitting on a slow boat heading down the Mekong River in Laos. 

The past few weeks have been eye opening in many different ways. A few weeks ago I spent 3 days at my first ever Meditation retreat in Pa Pae, Thailand. It was a 3-day program, and my first time really putting an effort into meditation to really try to connect to my surroundings, and myself. Most of my previous meditation was through my yoga practice, trying to connect my mind and my body. This experience was quite different as there was zero physical aspect to it – it was strictly a mental practice. Monks led us through a meditation 4 times a day, our first 36 hours were spent in complete silence, and I completely disconnected from the World around me. No phone, no computer, no interaction with the outside world. When was the last time you went a full day without checking your social media, email, or messages? What about a few days? Its much easier said than done, but in my opinion, disconnecting from our day-to-day lives every once in a while is one of the most beneficial things that we can do. It creates time to reflect on life, and for me, this trip. It can be difficult to sit with yourself and your thoughts – we constantly keep ourselves ‘too busy’, or look for distractions in our normal lives to fill any spare time, if we’re lucky enough to have any. Taking these distractions away creates space for us to reflect on what’s really happening within us, what’s working, and what’s not.

Since I left Calgary, I was always waiting for that big ‘a-ha’ moment and for it to really hit me that I’m living this life, my dream. That’s exactly what it feels like I’ve been living in. I’ve had some absolutely incredible experiences, and with a little luck, very few bad ones. This experience has felt way too good to be true. It wasn’t until after this retreat that it finally sunk in – but in a much different way than I expected. My ‘a-ha’ moment wasn’t me finally feeling that I was here and living my dream life. It was the feeling that this entire journey is built with these little ‘a-ha’ moments, and if I keep waiting for the big one to hit me, I’m going to miss out on so much around me. It’s these little moments that I experience everyday that create what the ‘final’ destination is. Everyone I meet along the way, every experience I have, all impact where I end up, and what I will end up doing. I also realized that it wasn’t just this trip that I’ve been living with this mentality – I’ve been doing it everyday. I’ve been waiting for the day I have more money, a better job, a house, more this, more that, anything but appreciating what I had, knowing that it was ‘enough’, and living in the moment. Western culture is driven by the constant need for something ‘better’ to fulfill us, which is the exact opposite of how it should be. I realized that I needed to stop waiting for something better to come along (that ‘big’ moment), and appreciate what I had right in front of me as it was happening.

A few days later, the question was posed to me ‘What does 2020 represent for you?’, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My first thought was, well, I’ll keep on doing things as I have been. Look where I am, life isn’t too bad – right? The more I thought about it, the more I loathed this thought. After some real thought and coming back to my mini ‘epiphany’, my answer to this drastically changed.

So, what do I want 2020 to represent for me? New beginnings and to focus on my real wants in life. Not material things, but things that will make me feel truly fulfilled in life, and that will better myself as a person, as opposed to my bank account. What do I want?  To continue to push myself out of my comfort zone and embrace the unknown. To live more in the present. To create more time for myself. To help others, with no personal agenda. To be more empathetic and open. To appreciate the little things just as much as the big ones. To find calm in the wake of chaos. To find my version of ‘home’, wherever that may be. To share my life with someone that empowers, challenges, and encourages me, as I will for them. Ultimately, I want to feel grateful and fulfilled, without basing it off of what I ‘have’.

This is what 2020 represents for me. Do I expect a switch to flip and for it to all immediately happen? Of course not, but just like anything in life, we have to start somewhere. Ask for what you want, and it’s amazing what the universe will give you in return.

What does 2020 represent for you?

- M

2020 in Luang Prabang, Laos